Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
