Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
