I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I supernannyed him into submission
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
