guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Randomize
