she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
