Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
