Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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