So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
