If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
