She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
