Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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