I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
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