Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
