I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
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