I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
