If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
