All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
