I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
