And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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