and she was petting her beer can
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
