you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
