he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
