I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
