So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Randomize
