we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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