Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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