If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
