we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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