the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
