there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
