Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
