Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
