Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize