I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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