I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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