but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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