hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Houston, we have a squirter
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
