I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
