Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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