Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Randomize
