Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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