St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
