You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ๐๐๐๐
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when Iโm on my period. If that isnโt love I donโt know what is.
Randomize
