his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
