I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
