My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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