Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Randomize
