She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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