taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I just want to make out with him forever
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
