I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Randomize
