you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize