he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
