I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
