It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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