I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
