just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
