I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
That's how pantless uber rides happen
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
