I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
