Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
