So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
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