Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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