her facebook's as public as her vagina
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
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