Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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