I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
