Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
