Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
