Sry I called you an 8
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
This baby is an asshole
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
you never un-have a 4some
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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