im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
