So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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