And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
