i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize