Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
zippers are such a cool invention
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Randomize
