Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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