I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
