You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
