if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
