This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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