I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
