I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
