What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
