It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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