the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize