ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
