im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
i've created a new STD.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
