Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Randomize